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internet marketing failure

10 Easy Ways to Become an Internet Marketing Failure

It should come as no surprise that the vast majority of online businesses fail within the first few years. Despite the overwhelming amount of information provided online, the attrition rate for internet marketers is still incredibly overwhelming.

There are countless programs available that will walk a novice through every step of the money making process; from point “A” to point “B”. Obviously, the problem is not just a lack of availability of knowledge and proper instruction. Despite immeasurable amounts of guidance conveniently accessible to anyone with an internet connection, most people will never earn a dime.

Today, we are going to try something different. As you’ve undoubtedly noticed, the majority of my posts go into great detail showing how one can succeed as a business person. I typically offer “How To’s” on all of the various aspects of online marketing. Instead, I’d like to give you a guide on how to fail miserably. Call it an experiment in reverse psychology if you will.

Each step will bring you inevitably closer to throwing in the towel and giving up on your dream. If you DON’T want to succeed, then look no further. It’s unlikely that you will ever find another model that will show you the exact steps to be taken to bring your success to a screeching halt.

My overall goal is to provide the answers as to what it will take to create a failing business in hopes that you will do the exact opposite and continue to build a model that thrives for many years to come. If you follow the steps that I put forth, you will be well on your way to crashing and burning…

Warning: Everything below this mark is satire and is simply meant to show you how NOT to operate your business. Do not take it seriously.

1. Be Like Everyone Else

There are approximately 1 billion live websites online today. Despite how miniscule you believe your niche to be, there will always be competitors there, aspiring to draw in potential consumers, leaving you with little to nothing. The best possible course of action is to blend in as best as you can by NOT differentiating yourself, effectively ensuring that no one will ever return to your site.

Position yourself within the niche so that you become yet another cookie cutter website that creates content that is non-engaging and could be found anywhere else on the web. It is important that you offer products that are similar to your competitors, but of lesser value.

Most of all, try your best not to be seen. Social media, forums, YouTube videos, podcasts, and guest posts should be avoided like the plague. After all, branding is stupid.

2. Planning is Overrated

Why would you want to methodically create a business plan outlining your entry into the market, when you can simply jump into an unknown niche and get bulldozed by your competitors?

Researching the area you’d like to devote time into is a terrible waste of effort and will only lead to more knowledge and insight. For instance, does it really matter how saturated a specific market is? If you build a cool-looking website, it will be bound to attract consumers despite how few people are actually interested in what you have to offer.

Keywords; who needs them? Keyword phrases such as “weight loss” or “make money online” are probably incredibly easy to rank for so there is no need to even bother searching for others.

3. Your Ideas Alone Will Make You Money

Some guy by the name of Tony Robbins once said. “The path to success is to take massive, determined action.” What Mr. Robbins failed to realize is that simply coming up with a lucrative idea is far superior than actually bringing it to fruition through hard work and determination.

Taking action means nothing when you have a stellar idea. Who does that Tony Robbins guy think he is anyway?

4. Think with Your Heart and NOT with Your Head

Business decisions are performed on gut instinct alone and not through analyzing data. If a certain marketing method is not working for you, then simply continue on without further improvement. Eventually, it will work out…somehow.

Always place your wants and needs before your business. This is a surefire way to make certain that the correct choices are always made. When in conflict, make your choice immediately, without ever taking the time to approach the issue in an analytic manner. 

5. Oscar “The Grouch” was Right

For those of you that may not know, Oscar “The Grouch” is a fictional character that depicts a grumpy green puppet that chooses to live out his life inside a trashcan while in complete isolation from others. He chooses to avoid interaction at all costs.

This is the way that you should approach internet marketing. All too often, the so called “gurus” tell their followers to network with others in order to gain visibility. How could building an alliance with strong influencers possibly benefit your business in the end?

6. Chase the Money

Internet marketing is NOT about helping others. It is about getting filthy rich by selling stuff to people that they don’t need.

Forget about the needs of your consumers. They will buy what you put in front of them, no matter what the demand is within the market.

7. Google is Clueless

Eventually Google will get tired of creating new, sophisticated updates, allowing you to expose the various loopholes. We all know that in order to gain any rank for a website, you need to continuously manipulate the system with blackhat SEO methods.

Why create stellar content when you can spend your time spamming porn sites from Indonesia for backlinks? Google will never catch on.

8. The Customer is Always WRONG

If they do not agree with you, simply ignore their feedback. Chances are, their complaint is isolated, and does not apply to your other consumers.

9. The 4-Hour Workweek Exists for Everyone

Create your website, choose your method of monetization, and forget it. Without continuous work, you will soon be earning a fortune while you sit on a secluded beach, drinking out of a coconut with a little umbrella sticking out of the top, and receiving a massage from your new Swedish masseuse. 

Making money online doesn’t take much effort at all.

10. Always Look for the Coolest New Money Making Scheme

To heck with the basics! Continue reading every IM blog imaginable that promises untold fortunes in 3 hours or less. They have cool graphics and a lot of Facebook friends, so their methods will surely work for you as well. If it doesn’t, then begin searching for a method that promises untold fortunes in 3.5 hours or less.

Back to Being Serious Again…

All joking aside, I see all of the issues mentioned above on a daily basis. Some people are simply unaware that they are making grave mistakes that could inevitably cost them the opportunity to create a long-lasting, viable stream of income. Instead, they quickly become another statistic, failing to see the error of their ways until it becomes too late.

Though I tried to have some fun with this post, take the message seriously. Look at your business from the eyes of your potential consumer and see if there are any improvements that could possibly be made in order to guarantee your success.

So, which one of these most related to you in your business? Leave a comment below to tell me or ask any questions or leave a comment with your thoughts…


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About Sean Donahoe

Sean is one of the most recognized industry leaders in business and marketing. As a popular speaker, author, consultant he has helped over 50,000 students world wide find success in their businesses and has consulted with Fortune 500 companies and businesses of every size grow and thrive...


  1. Thanks for making me laugh.

    Seriously, there are some “gurus” that teach some of this stuff. Such as avoiding social media (maybe not like the plague) and don’t worry about keywords.

    Take care,
    Donna 🙂

    • Glad you got a giggle from this. It makes me cringe when I hear so-called “Gurus” expound some of these as genuine advice. However, all this was done for fun and if you do the EXACT opposite of these points then you will do much better 😉

  2. Clever blog post Sean. It’s Friday afternoon feeling a bit worn after about a million clicks since Monday. Just the mention of failure has ignited me for a few more hours. Have a great weekend and thanks for entertaining but real post.

  3. Sean, I like the humor you presented. Unwillingly I am following some of the above rules myself. My blame is on the time and family responsibilities though. Anyhow I still go through your blogs and try to implement your suggested tricks.

    Keep up the good work of awakening the lazy pigs like me….

  4. How did you know all my secrets?
    Ha ha
    Good one, have a great day!

  5. This is a good read. I find this funny but on a serious note, I learned a lot of things also. Thank you for posting stuffs as nice as well as informative as this. 🙂

  6. Seriously Sean, I gained information on how to do Internet Marketing to a higher level! Thank you thank you!

  7. Another good read. I was looking for posts like this before. Very nice..

  8. I love this and all the your other posts! Thank you so much for posting this.

  9. Nice one Sean! That’s very funny of you. This is a nice post. Thanks!

  10. I once had an online business but if failed. Now I know what I was missing. I know I’ll be successful again. Thank you so much Sean!

  11. Very well written and beautifully described what majority of the people like me are lacking. One question I have in mind, how we can manage ourselves in lowest budget available to us instead of registering for heavy budgeted learning programs?

    • There are many methods, we discussed one such low-budget, fast results in our Ask Sean session last night for members of the Inner Circle (Click here to join for $1). The main thing to do is create some sort of basic funnel that is targeted to a hungry audience and bring the two together. There is no “One size fits all” as you are unique and so is your experience level. However, one of the best things you can do is surround yourself with entrepreneurs who are successful and that is where the Inner Circle may really help.

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